30th april 2002

feeling: sleepy
listening to: nothing


i am a back-stabber. why am i not surprised...?

so, i didn't get blood omen 2 yesterday, as they were all sold out in the local videogame store. they guy in the store said they'd get some more on friday, so i'll just have to wait. riikka is strangly worried that she won't get the chance to play it. of course she'll get to play it, i'll just hog kain all to myself. she can have razzy-wazzy. ^_^
...this is always what it's like when we are obsessed with the same bishonens. _

it's May Day tomorrow. to all of you who don't know, it's a scandinavian celebration, originally of the working class, held on the first day of may. in finland, May Day is a national holiday, so all school and most jobs will be closed tomorrow. in addition to being a day off, May Day is also a drinking festival. mostly students gather on the streets at nightfall and get wasted over their arses and spend the entire night drinking and partying. it's pretty fun, really, but has lost most of its glory for me. i'm not very excited about May Day this year, as i've already gone through several of them since i was 15. besides that, getting drunk isn't as appealing as it used to be. funny that, when you're finally legally allowed to drink as much as you want wherever you want, you don't want to do it anymore. could be just me though. so i'll probably check out a few bars tonight with my friends or something of the like, but nothing major. i'm really not in the mood tonight. i'd much rather stay at home, have some wine with my family and watch moulin rouge on dvd. but we'll see what the night brings...

something occured to me yesterday, right before going to bed. actually my sis brought it up for a reason that has escaped me at the moment. so here's the big question:

how is it possible for mario the jump when he's crouching?

most of you probably remember the old super mario bros games for nes and snes. and at least in the first game it was possible for mario to jump while he was crouching. how can that be? i know i sure as heck can't jump while crouching, not without falling on my arse anyway. and mario jumps three times his own height like it was nothing! how can that be?! i demand to know!

thanks riikka for the help with my new layout, and congrats on your new mad-cool angela layout! ^^

there was something else i was supposed to talk about...why do i keep forgetting this stuff? ><

i'm carefree

ehh...not true.


29th april 2002

feeling: tired, but strangly happy
listening to: nothing


what never ceases to amaze me is how much noise the students in junior high are able to make. it's like once you cross to line to senior high, you suddenly get brains or something. at least that's how it's in finland. a good example of this is our school, which consists of two buildings: Wing and Museum. Those in senior high spend most of their time in museum and you hardly see anyone younger than 16 there. where as in the wing are all those who are still in junior high - and you wouldn't believe the chaos in there! it's so noisy and crowded that i absolutely hate going there for some of my classes. ugh. ><

i'm gonna buy blood omen 2 and ecco the dolphin today after school. so that makes me a happy girl. ^^ originally i wasn't supposed to buy bo2, but as i got loads of money for my b-day (over 200 euros, to be exact), it calls for a celebration in the form of kain. kain is so cool. ^_^

i was supposed to talk about something else, too, but i forgot what it was... but boy, do i hate this keyboard. you'd think that a school of this status and reputation would invest at least in some decent keyboards, seeing as how new and swanky the computers are. i swear, this keyboard has to be one the first keyboards ever used in the history of computers! i have to literally beat down the letter i want to type. sheez...

i'm thinking of changing my layout. not that i don't love my ringwraith layout, hell no, i just think it's time for a change. i think i'm gonna go for an ADA layout this time. must ask riikka to help me with the accursed html-code. i've totally forgotten how to use it. ><

hmm, still one hour left of school. luckily it's english. i don't think i could've handled it, had it been something like math or physics. oh yeah, must remember to go to my school health inspection after english. god i hate those inspections. hopefully they won't test my hearing. that would really suck. but at least i get to know how tall i am and how much i weigh. also on the positive note, i'm not gonna get any shots this time. go me! ^^

i think that's enough yapping for now. my class is starting anyhoo.




26th april 2002

feeling: headachy
listening to: people talking


so i turned 18 yesterday. and you know what? it wasn't as big or special or scary as i had made it out to be. in fact, at the moment i feel like my birthday hasn't passed at all yet. but i gotta admit, it feels rather unreal being 18. oO

my sis gave me the cutest card ever! i'll upload it and show it to you guys once i get home (can't upload anything on these stupid school computers _), if riikka says it's okay. ^^

this is amusing! i gave it my url and got some really hilarious stuff. check these out:

"yet here i am, stuffing marijuana and cocaine cream into my mouth and afterwards complaining that my stomach hurts."

"i adopted a LSD today. yes, that's right - a LSD. why a LSD? -- another reason why i picked LSD was the fact that riikka despises them."

"the marijuana was making fun of me with his eyes! just like that stupid two layers of cocaine with a layer of heroin in the middle - he had it coming too!"

had me laughing for 15 minutes straight. XD


24th april 2002

feeling: useless
listening to: zone of the enders ost - jehuty will self-destruct?


damn you, ADA, for making me cry! ><
it's funny how people who don't know a thing about videogames always think games are nothing but mindless entertainment, something to numb our brains with, and whatever else videogames might be, they can't touch us on an emotional level, ie make us cry or laugh or such. now all of us gamers know this to be untrue. in fact, i've lost count on how many times a videogame has made me cry. because i cry easily and a lot. especially zoe makes me cry, the ending is so sad. it's funny really, i don't think i've ever been as emotionally attached to a game as i am to zoe. i only need to hear a few notes from 'jehuty will self-destruct?' and tears well up in my eyes. no one can create a sad moment like ADA can. i don't know where she came up with the "this is what i live for. this is the purpose of living for those who have no life" -line, but it's the wisest line i've heard in a videogame in a long long time.
on another note, zoe has the best music since the final fantasy -series. ^_^

how stupid can a person get? i've been told numerous times by doctors and myself alike that i should stop using milk so much, because it messes up my system. yet here i am, stuffing chocolate and ice cream into my mouth and afterwards complaining that my stomach hurts. can we all say idiot...?

there are peculiar lighter blots on the painting of our back yard fence and i can't quite figure out what could've caused them. they look like grease or oil markings to me...
speaking of our back yard, we've bought tons of flowers to plant there. i adore flowers - anykind. on my request, we've got some gladiools and lilies, and mom got some dahlias and anemones. i also want some corn flowers and roses. tulips would be cool too. i can't wait to get them all planted and see them grow. ^^

i adopted a potato today. yes, that's right - a potato. why a potato? well, it's rather simple, really. potatos are pretty much the only thing i eat these days, which is saying a lot. i love potatos, in every shape and size. but i especially adore fall's first potatos. you know the ones that are really tiny and light in color, and taste like a little piece of heaven with butter and herring? yeah, those. mmmm, can't get enough of them! ^^ another reason why i picked potato was the fact that riikka despises them. well, maybe not despises, but dislikes them very strongly. and i personally can't see why. so i guess i just felt bad for the poor potatos she refuses to eat. yes, i know i'm weird.

at this time tomorrow, i'll be 18. which is rather scary. for the past two years i've been burning for this day to come, and now that it's finally here, it's got me peeing in my pants (not literally, folks _). i don't want to be a grown-up yet! of course, turning 18 doesn't make anyone a grow-up, emotinal maturity (which is a rather unfamiliar consept for me :P) does, but it still seems like i'm all big and grown up all of a sudden. or supposed to be. it just seems to me that it was only a little while ago when i was still 7 and started school. someone better stop the clock. it's frightening to notice that you're starting to get to a point where you no longer excitedly wait for your birthdays, but rather hope they'd never arrive.

shees, i'm starting to sound like i'm turning 45 and not 18. this is exactly why i shouldn't blog...

if i were a character in Daria, i would be...Daria.


22nd april 2002

feeling: even more tired
listening to: final fantasy 7 prelude (techo remix)


random thoughts of the day:

"the tea was making fun of me with his eyes! just like that stupid sandwich - he had it coming too!"

violator: "gee ringwraith, what are we going to do tonight?"
ringwraith: "the same thing we do every night, violator - try to take over the world!"

there's actually a real situation related to the latter, but it's too tedious for me to explain now and it wouldn't sound funny anyway. it would best if i could show you a pic of the situation, but alas, i'd have to have one first and i'm just too lazy to use my camera. ~.~
the former was made up about a minute ago, while i was having my tea and sandwich, and is in reference to me eating them. imagine it in eddie's voice. yes, i'm extremely tired and desperately need to go to sleep. i've laughed so much and so hard today that i've probably destroyed another 15 per cent of my already non-existent brain cells. i blame all this on riikka - she has played way too much bouncer today. *pulls riikka's nose*

---

feeling: tired
listening to: devil may cry - seeds of love


gee, where's my mind when i need it?! how could i forget... ><
HAPPY B-DAY FOR YESTERDAY, MACCIE! ^^

ack! since when have they been showing killer on mtv?! i watch mtv next to never, so i wouldn't know. i just know i hate the band and wish it would die. xX

nothing intelligent to post today. must get food.


21st april 2002

feeling: ill
listening to: heart of air - kiss me sunlights


hmm...it's been a few days since my last update. lazy me. ~.~

screw summerjobs. that's right, screw them right in the ear. why is it so darn hard to get any decent work for a few months in lahti? and why is it that when i think of some place where i would actually like to work, they already have all the employees they need for the summer? figures. i guess i can only blame myself, though, for being too picky about work and starting to look for it too late. needless to say, with less than two months 'til summer holiday, the best places are already filled. grr.
well, it seems i'm gonna be in for another lazy summer and no money. the thing is, i really could've used the extra money, since my student's aid will stop flowing in for the three months of summer. besides, it isn't that much money to begin with - 50 euros a month. it's hardly enough to suply me with the latest videogames i'm dying to get. ><

luckily enough, my birthday is lurking just around the corner, so hopefully that will relieve my money situation a bit. though i've asked for so many books and other stuff since xmas that my presents will most likely consist of them, rather than hard cash. which is also good in a way, because then i won't have to spend my ridiculously tiny student's aid on them. so it's all good, i guess.

how is it that i always end up ranting about how poor i am...? oO

speaking of birthdays...geez, i feel so old turning 18. which of course i'm not, because 18 is still pretty much a kid, even if not according to the law. but after 18 comes 19, and after 19 comes 20 and so on, and before i notice, i will be a bitter 60-year-old lady with 10 cats and 4 dogs who beats up youngster with her cane. okay, maybe i'm overreacting a bit here, but seriously, that's one frightening thought. oO
and as if only to reinforce my mental image of being old, yves rocher (a mail order make-up store for those of you who don't know) sent me an offer of a facial cream that smoothens and prevents wrinkles. wrinkles! i know it's an offer they send to all of their customers, regardless of age, but it still tells something about today's beauty culture, don't you think?

oh yeah, almost forgot : go kenshi! ^^
...you'll see that by now she has forgotten what this is all about and will ask "go where?". ^_~


16th april 2002

feeling: headachy
listening to: nothing


today is the day for riikka's entrance test to the college of arts and crafts. i'm so nervous for her, which is silly, because it's her entrance test and not mine. but i know she was nervous (you should've seen her this morning - i could tell) and not very excited in a good way about going. but i'm sure she'll do fine. there's no way in this world they couldn't accept her in - she's the best artist i've ever met and i bet she can out-draw all the other peeps in the exam. y'go, sis! ^^

i feel stupid being in school today. i feel like i should be in the entrance test with her. of course there would be nothing i could do there, as they wouldn't allow me in the test room anyway, but i just feel like my place is there with my sis. i'd probably be totally useless and just get in her way, but let's face it, i'd rather be useless there than useless here.

why must physics be so hard? and why do i seem to be the only person in the whole class who doesn't understand what the hell the teacher is going on about? i guess i'm just naturally dumb... ~.~

still three hours before i can go home...oh dear.


15th april

feeling: sleepy and blah
listening to: nightwish - over the hills and far away


why is that on the rare occasion when i actually feel like writing my mugee fan fic, i can't come up with anything decent? ><

the thought of going to school tomorrow feels extremely repellent to me for some reason. i hate math so much, and it's so damn frustrating to sit in my physics class because i never understand a damn thing. i should've just gone to school today...

i'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you, sis. you'll do fine. ^^

the bouncer is amusing.

---

feeling: blah
listening to: OC - prelude crystal rave remix


i think my life has been revolving around sh2 too much lately. i haven't even played during the past week, and it's still giving me nightmares. yes, i'm spooked very easily. especially with supernatural and ghost related stuff, such as silent hill or x-files. it's a good thing i stopped watching it...but it's actually funny how certain things seem scarier at night. especially if you wake up after a nightmare and have a hard time falling asleep again. that's when the most ordinary things start to seem freaky, at least to me. i guess it's probably because you feels so muzzy and half-awake during these bouts of insomnia, and your mind isn't thinking straight.

staying on the subject, i had one of the weirdest nights of my whole life last night. i woke up at some point of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. in the dark my chair with my clothes on it reminded me of one of those doormen mosters in silent hill 2 and it freaked the shit out of me - even though i damn well knew it was just my chair with a mountain of clothes stacked on it. y'know, that's what i hate about this new house of ours: it's so damn dark out here with no street lamps nearby. back in our old house it always used to be pretty bright at night because there always were dozens of street lamps turned on along our street. and here there are none, at least not on my side of the house (naturally, my window opens to our back yard). so my room is always pitch dark, and that's a lot more darkness than i need. ><

anyway, back on the subject of last night. so i stared at my chair for a good while, trying to convince my dead-tired brains that it really wasn't a doorman monster. but my brain kept on insisting that it indeed was a monster and that it would suck my brains out if i turned my back to it or even closed my eyes (stupid, i know, but hey, it was 2am). so i got up and went to the bathroom - and ended up sitting there for maybe two hours, or even more. i just sat in one of the corners and wiggled my toes all night. it was fun. ^^

so after about two hours i get up, walk to my room (or should i say crawl to my room, because it was too dark to see even an inch in front of my nose and i didn't want to stumble over a cat oO) and go back to bed. and i must say, the remaining three hours were the best night's sleep i've ever had.

as you can probably guess, sitting in a bathroom like that doesn't really qualify as quality sleep, so i was too tired to go to school today. go me. 9_9

i miss jehuty. ;_;
i missed my 'zoe day' on saturday, and it's been over two weeks now since i last played zoe. i'm getting withdrawls. oO

i'm also happy to announce that today it's exactly 10 days to my 18th bday. ^o^

I am Reno!
What FFVII character are you?? Find out here!


13th april 2002

feeling: okay
listening to: final fantasy ix - iifa tree


i will be eating home-made redcurrant pie tonight. ^^

i spent most of last night trying to unlock stuff at muppet race mania, and man, those token challenges are really driving me nuts. i'm telling you, some of them are virtually impossible to complete. here i am, in a area twice as big as the white house with three lousy minutes to find 10 tokens that are scattered illogically around the stage. sure you can see the tokens on the map, but trust me, it's much harder than it sounds. if it only was about driving around the course and grabbing the token along as i pass it, you wouldn't find me here griping. but no, that's naturally not all there is to the challenge (hey, it's the muppets we're talking about). no, they're gonna make you go through as much trouble as possible. the tokens are hidden inside or behind boxes, in areas you didn't know existed, on ledges that you can't reach and in tiny holes where your car won't fit into. there's a good over 20 courses in the game and there's a token challenge included in each one of them. i played the game for about three hours yesterday and managed to complete the token challenge in five of the tracks - in three bloody hours! and yes, that is how i spend my friday nights.

i watched jurassic park last night. i saw the movie in cinemas when i was about nine (just barely old enough to get in) and totally adored it. i've been in love with dinosaurus ever since. there's just something really fascinating about them. i especially love velociraptors, they're such cute little things. AND also the only good thing about jp3.

thank waltz it's only saturday today.


11th april 2002

feeling: dumb and exhausted
listening to: heart of air - lullaby of dolores


i did some reading and thinking about sh2, and boy, was i wrong about eddie and angela or what! ^o^ i feel so silly now. but hey, you gotta admit, with all its improbability it was a rather good theory, even if it was so totally off-base and stupid. but all in all, i gotta say i feel rather smart about figuring out all those things about the game without seeing any plot guides or anything. yayness. ^_^
let's look back at my earlier entry, where i wondered how angela and eddie see the monsters, if silent hill really is like that only in james' head. well, if james' perception of the town is distorted by his sins, then why wouldn't everyone else's be, too? meaning that you see in silent hill what you take there with you. so, angela and eddie see the monsters not as the hideous and rotting demons as james sees them, but as their own demons, whatever it is that haunts them. so silent hill is completely different to each person entering the town. as for laura...well, she's just a little girl. she hasn't suffered or done anything that would haunt her existance. so she sees silent hill simply as an empty town. this is clearly indicated by her remark when james wonders why she isn't hurt: "why should i?". she really doesn't see the monsters, so there isn't anything for her to be afraid of, really.
so what really sparked my earlier entry was the fact that i haven't played sh1 and had no idea the town itself was, in fact, a "creature" with a will of its own. so now it all finally makes sense. eddie and angela, too, have been drawn to silent hill by their sins and unbearable guilt, just like james. so the only things that aren't really there are the monsters and maria. they are all created by the town, or should i say created by james and manifested by the town. this is so much easier to perceive after realizing that the town itself is a "creature", controlled by evil spirits, that calls back the damned sinners. it probably really is a foggy and desolate town, but what one sees there is only a reflection of ones inner demons, not the reality of the "outer world".

i still think pyramid head isn't james, though, no matter what anyone says. i still think pyramid head is "just" the judge james in subconsciously looking to punish him for his sin. the pictures and paintings in toluca prison indicate that pyramid head is tightly related to silent hill's past as a cruel and merciless executioner that slaughtered prisoners without court orders and simply out the sheer pleasure of it, so what better creature to pass the judgement on james than pyramid head. what i like to think is that the image of pyramid head as a judge was formed in james' head (subconsciously maybe, but all the same it's there), but the final monster was carried out by silent hill, straight from its own history.

kee-hee, my teacher is going to think of me as a real looney when i'll write all this in my research report. XD


Which "Natural Wonder" are you?



10th april 2002

feeling: hungry
listening to: humming of the computer lab


that's it, i've totally lost it. i'm spending extra time in school. there's no teacher to keep an eye on us and we could just leave whenever we please and I'M still here. there's gotta be something fundamentally wrong with me. oO

we got assignments on ADP. we have to do a report on something. that's right - something. it can be anything we're interested in. i'm gonna do mine about silent hill 2. i was torn between the final fantasy series and silent hill for a long while, but decided to choose silent hill on the basis that it's more disturbing. har. so for the next few weeks i'm gonna do some intense studying on silent hill 2. this is gonna be the best report the teacher has ever read. you'll see. ^_~

saw 'there's something about mary' the other day. what's with these today's so-called "comedies"? they're not funny AT ALL. they're stupid, even disgusting. and that's supposed to be funny? that's like saying the scream-series is real horror.


9th april 2002

feeling: melancholic
listening to: nothing


geez, being stuck in school and having nothing to do just plain sucks. i'm having a double free-period at the moment, and even the school library is driving me insane. among the other students. i wish there was some way to get rid of all the annoying teeny-wannabe 7th graders. ><

i'm wearing my mad cool pyramid head shirt today, and my english teacher stared at it for the whole lesson. it was amusing. ^^

there's something making me depressed, but i can't quite name what it is. and it's rather disturbing. i can't make myself feel better if i don't know what i should feel better about. all in all my exams went pretty well, so it can't be that. i did better than i expected, but worse than i hoped.but isn't that always the case...
i think this is about riikka and her entrance test next week. i see that she's not very enthusiastic about it, and i wish she were, because this is important for her. of course i don't want her to go to this school if she really doesn't want to go, and the feeling of her doing something because i want it for her is eating me up inside. but it's only natural that big sisters want the best for their younger siblings, right? BUT i hope you know, sis, that you don't have to do anything to please me if you really don't want it yourself. whatever it is you decide to do, i'll be behind you 110% per cent.


7th april 2002

feeling: annoyed
listening to: nicole kidman & ewan mcgregor - come what may


god, i hate people who's only purpose to life seems to be to whine about every little thing (no matter if it's any of their business or not), and who's only turn-on seems to be putting others down with immature, mentally retarded comments. that kind of people deserve to be dragged to a dark alley and shot in the balls.

thanks for everything, maccie. you are the best. ^_^

---

feeling: extremely sore
listening to: michael flatly's lord of the dance


god, i love riverdance the show. i've seen it once in helsinki, and no words can describe how it feels to see rows and rows of dancers doing the same gorgeous routine in perfect unision. and the tapping... *swoon* yes, i know i'm silly, but what can i say? i adore tap dancing. i wish i could do it myself. i tried it once, but wasn't very succesful at it, so i quit. but maybe someday in the future i'll give it another go.

i hate it how i takes so damned long to get cold water out of our tap. ><

i must say, silent hill 2 really fascinates me. when you first pick it up, you wouldn't believe how much obscurity it holds. some things really bother me, though, and i hope they'll be better explained in the other endings. first, the letter. who sent it? i mean mary is obviosly dead, james killed her. i know in the ending you see a letter that mary wrote to james before she died that begins the same way as the letter james received, but aren't they two different letters? and while we're on the subject of mary...how long exactly has she been dead? according to james 3 years (you'd think he knows when she killed her, right?), but laura talks about a year. and also, in one of the letters laura gives to james, mary wishes her happy 8th birthday, and according to laura, she turned eight last week. whee, silent hill messes with my mind. oO
and another thing. what's the deal with eddie and angela? why were they in silent hill? angela says she's looking for her mama, but i wonder. why would anyone who's right in the head be in a town like that? unless of course silent hill looks like that only in james' head. perhaps it's really a nice calm town, but james sees it as a crumbling hellhole because the beautiful memory of the town has been distorted by his "sin". but eddie and angela also see the monsters, so how can that be? here's what i though: what if angela and eddie don't really exist either? wild, i know, and i have nothing to back this up with (yet anyways), but that's just a thought that occured to me. one thing that i think could support this theory is the fact that there are no people in silent hill. the only living things there seem to be the monsters (if you can call them living), who i think could be the real residents of the town, turned into monsters by james. but then there are these few people that are more or less normal. why is that? because they don't really exist, james has created them in his head. why? i don't know. but if the town REALLY looks like the way we see it in the game, why for the love of gaia would anyone go there? what could there possibly be in silent hill that called eddie there, if he was real? he doesn't even do anything that useful in the game, you just stumble upon him every once in a while and every time he's more screwed up in the head. as for angela - there's something about her that fascinates me. i liked her since the first time you meet her in the game. there's something so fundamentally wrong with her that she's cool. on the front, she seems like just another looney, but deep down she's awfully clever. she appears to know a lot about james, even though she has a weird way of showing it. remember how she hinted to james that he killed mary? i definitely wanna know more about angela. so why do i think she's not really there? it's everything about her, really. especially the final scene where we see her, at the fiery stairs in the hotel. there seems to be some kind of weird connection between james and angela there, they seem to be on the same wave-length, so to speak. i think she represents james' will to protect people, especially mary.
laura, on the other hand, is a bit trickier of a case. first i thought she seemed like a person who could really be there. she doesn't appear to see the monsters or think there's anything wrong with silent hill, and also, she has a clear reason for being in silent hill, unlike eddie or angela. but then riikka pointed out to me that laura sees eddie. dang it. ><


6th april 2002

feeling: sick
listening to: silent hill - music box


ho, smithers is gay? oO

i have realized that sauna isn't the best place to be when you're coming down with the flu and your head is full of snot. i got the weirdest ideas of kain doing the stupidest things. for the most part i blame riikka for this. :P she has ruined my fragile mind with effusive playing of the soul reaver-series and now every time i see a guy doing something weird, i immediately think of kain. he would look really cool in bermudas and sunglasses, y'know. ^^

ngaa, i wish my mugetsu fan fic would just write itself. >_o

d00d, pyramid head is such a sexay thing! i'd like to thank riikka for letting me use that kickass pyramid head drawing of hers for my shirt design. now my new shirt is the coolest of them all. ^^
after reading riikka's entry about pyramid head, i just have to say i disagree. i don't think pyramid head is james, not on a mental nor physical level. this thought never once occured to me during the game, but that of course doesn't make it wrong. a lot of things don't occur to me. oO
but in any case. i do think that pyramid head is james' own creation as a punishment for his sins (it's kinda hard not to think that, since james states it pretty clearly in the game), but that's as far as it goes. james himself thinks his sin is so great that the punisher must be great too - big, strong and cruel. this is represented by pyramid head also being the scariest (and the coolest! ^^) monster in the whole game, wiping out anyone who crosses his path - james and the other monsters alike. it's true that pyramid head seems to be after maria a lot, but isn't he after everyone a lot? he just destroys everything in his path, maybe some of if even for the sheer pleasure of it. he's the ultimate judgement, maybe a little too ultimate for james (or anyone) to handle. until james finally realizes that mary really is dead by his own hands, there's no need for the judgement anymore. too bad. *sniff* ;_;