31st january

feeling: dumbfound
listening to: nothing

hn. i can't get new entries to show up on this computer. mine, or chiko-chiko's.


feeling: woozy
listening to: nothing

not much to blog about. just killing time until mom gets off work and we can go get something to eat. i'm so hungry i could faint. no really, i am. i nearly did faint while the seamstress was adjusting the hem of my gown and i had to stand still while she did it. i can't even begin to wonder why that made me dizzy, but nonetheless it did. i'm willing to guess that it's due to the fact that it's hellishly cold outside and that i haven't eaten since 10am.

after spending a good four hours typing out my essay last night, i have gotten the sudden need to start writing fanfiction again. it's been weeks since i last had enough time to actually sit down in front of the computer and simply write until my fingers fell off. i miss that. i'm hoping that after i'm through with my exams, i will have time to comit myself to writing again. i miss being creative.

friday five:

1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
donatello, from TMNT. i don't know why i liked him. i suppose because he was so calm about most things, but could break out some serious havoc with his bo if need be. and he was so darn smart, too.

2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
one of those remote controlled cars. y'know, the ones made by nikko and such? yeah, those.

3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
greece, well technically crete. can't remember when exactly it was, but it's been years and years since.

4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
there are many things i've wanted to learn but still can't. playing the piano, the violin and the guitar, for one. and of course japanese and achery.

5. What are your plans for the weekend?
study biology. study some more biology. still study more biology. and did i mention i'm going to study biology?

30th january

feeling: tired, but otherwise fine
listening to: aladdin movie sounds

four down, two to go. *brain twitches*

blah. i should be writing an essay for my finnish lesson. it needs to be turned in tomorrow and i'm fresh out of ideas. couldn't it wait 'til AFTER the exams...?

maccie will be happy to know that my x-mas pressie arrived today. the mug is brilliant, and the poster too. domo arigatou gozaimasu. :china: speaking of presents, i know someone who might have some use for this. ^_~

29th january 2003

feeling: quite happy, actually
listening to: my stomach make noises

after feeling what was nearly no anxiety at all, my exams in biology and psychology went surprisingly well, considering that i hadn't studied nearly as much as i should have and that i had only three hours two do BOTH exams. but all in all, it went quite a lot better than i had hoped. there wasn't any essay questions in the biology exam, which was good. i just had to explain the main points of bloodflow and unspecific immunity, or whatever it's called, and name some parts of the heart. easy as pie. the psychology exam was a bit harder, seeing as i didn't study for it at all, except read through my notes once. there were two essay questions in the exam and four terms that had to be explained. i explained two of the terms and wrote three and half pages in all for the essays. can you imagine what my hand feels like at the moment? *fingers twitch*
all i can say is that i'm happy it's behind me, that one. i still have one double-exam coming up, but that's english combined with biology, so i think i can handle that. english being so easy, it will be like doing only the biology exam. :)

as i was turning in the exam papers to the supervising teacher, who just happened to be my well-liked physics teacher, she said the nicest (and funniest) thing about my hair. she said it's really nice and the color is very pretty, and that i should NEVER, under any circumstances, dye it black again. left a little dumbfound, all i could do was smile and say "why, thank you", and afterwards wonder what had brought that on. she has already seen me with short purple-ish hair (as i've had for about a year now), and has never said anything about it until now. but anyway, it was a very nice thing to say and it left me smiling, even if there was a hint of amusement mingled in that smile. :)

relaxing after the exam just brought me the nastiest headache. the fact that i'm really hungry doesn't help much, either. i wish i had brought something - anything - to eat on my lunchbreak. i could go down to the supermarket and buy a sandwich or something, but i can't be bothered to leave the computer. ahh well. i guess i'll live.

i've got revision lesson for RE next. blah to that. my only hope is that there will be an essay on shinto, because i just can't be bothered to get all the little details of hinduism to my head. like hell the teacher will make one, though, as RE teachers always seem to have a private fascination for hinduism or jewism. i'll bet my right leg there will be an essay question on hiduism, and not a single question on shinto. blargh.

oh, and it seems like i might be able to get my driver's license after all. major w00tness. :)

chiko-chiko: have you tried this? was it any good?

28th january 2003

feeling: bored out of my skull
listening to: nothing

chiko-chiko: took a look around eclipse, and everything seems to be working like it should. i did have trouble finding the navigation, but that's probably just my hunger-fogged mind being an idiot. ¬_¬
and speaking of your sites, there's no way you're taking pencilhappy down! you draw better than anyone i've ever seen and you know it! those are just dreams. and while i do understand what you're going through, as i go through that with my writing, you seriously need to stop worrying over what people think of your art. it doesn't matter whether they think it's good or not. what matters is that you like it, or at least liked drawing it. so there. and sis, you can always count on me to like your art, if that means anything to you. :)

i wants to go home. i don't want to stay here 'til 2pm to revise for tomorrow's biology exam. i'm feeling enough pressure over it as it is, seeing as i'm doing my belated psychology exam at the same time. i'll have three hours to finish 'em both. i'm so pooing in my pants. o_O

27th january

feeling: sleepy
listening to: people talking

you'd think a person can't be too tired to GO HOME! ¬_¬

- Current Dress: light brown corduroys, black sweater.
- Current Makeup: mascara.
- Current Mood: somewhat blue, hungry as heck.
- Current Music: spirited away - shiroi ryuu, stuck in my head.
- Current Taste: lip balm. yuch! >_
- Current Hair: short, purple-ish, un-fixed.
- Current Annoyance: can't afford to get a driver's licence.
- Current Smell: smell? confined space.
- Current thing I ought to be doing: writing as essay for my finnish lesson, going home.
- Current Favorite Artist: bryan adams, vanessa-mae.
- Current Favorite Group: don't know. is heart of air a group or a single artist? oh, and nightwish.
- Current CD in Stereo: zone of the enders soundtrack. ^_^
- Current DVD In Player: don't have a dvd player.
- Current Color Of Toenails: skin?
- Current Worry: i need to do some serious studying for biology.
- Current Crush: does auron count? :*)
- Current Favorite Celebrity: none, i think.

L o v e //

- boyfriend/girlfriend - don't have one.
- crush - none?
- who? - ...
- longest relationship - anou...i dunno. some months.
- shortest relationship - again, i think some months. what can i say; i dislike relationships.
- been in love w/ more than 1 person? - at a time? XD
- sweetest thing a guy/girl has done for you? - can't think of any.
- meanest thing a guy/girl has done for you? - made me care for them. i dislike that.
- ever broke someone's heart? - suppose i have.
- someone break your heart? - y'mean a guy? nah, my heart's stronger than that.

L a s t * P e r s 0 n //

- You Talked to: minna
- You Hugged: whoa, can't remember.
- Instant messaged: can't remember that either.
- You Yelled At: probably mom.
- You Had A Crush On: again, does auron count? :*)
- Who Broke Your Heart: it's yet to be broken by love affairs.

F a v o r i t e //

- Food: spicy chicken wings and rice, mom's lasagne.
- Drink: lingonberry/blackcurrant juice, water, kaipiroska.
- Color: black, dark purple, dark red (preferably scarlet), dark green, dark blue.
- Album: can't name one.
- Shoes: boots.
- Candy: don't like candy that much. chocolate, i think.
- Animal: pretty much all animals, but above all cats and wolves.
- TV Show: guh... c.s.i., er.
- Dance: waltz. ^_^
- Veggie: potatos, carrots, corn.
- Fruit: apples, lemons. are grapes and watermelons fruits?

A r e * Y o u //

- Understanding: i don't know. not always.
- Open-minded: about most things.
- Arrogant: when the mood strikes.
- Insecure: about things important and personal to me, EXTREMELY.
- Interesting: you tell me.
- Hungry: very much so.
- Friendly: to people i know and care about.
- Smart: i guess so.
- Moody: YES.
- Childish: at times.
- Independent: usually.
- Hard working: about certain things.
- Organized: not very.
- Healthy: i suppose, though i do not exercise.
- Emotionally Stable: i try to be.
- Shy: at times, yeah, but usually not.
- Difficult: i can be.
- Attractive: XD
- Bored Easily: not really.
- Messy: i have my bouts of messiness, but i like things tidy.
- Thirsty: at the moment, yes.
- Responsible: more than i'd care to admit.
- Obsessed: hell yeah!
- Angry: at the moment, no. in general, yes.
- Sad: at the moment, somewhat.
- Happy: nah.
- Trusting: of people i don't know, not at all.
- Ill: not sure. i might be.
- Talkative: hurr, no way!
- Original: i hope so.
- Different: people tend to think i'm weird...
- Unique: isn't everyone?
- Ignored: i get to have my own space, if that's what you mean.
- Reliable: about most things.
- Content: ...most of the time.
- Optimistic: hardly ever.
- Deep thinker: when the mood strikes.
- Self-disciplined: yes.
- Sleepy: all the time. ~_~
- Lonely: i spent a lot of time alone, but i'm not really lonely.

W h o * D o * Y o u * W a n t * T o //

- Kill: dubya.
- Get Really Drunk With: my sis, but she won't get drunk.
- Tickle: jehuty-kun. ^_^
- Look Like: someone prettier than me.
- Be Like: myself. and i do admire auron's morale.
- Talk To: sissy.

C o m p u t e r //

- MSN Name: none.
- AIM name: RahneeTZ
- Buddy Icon: jehuty-kun's face.
- Deadjournal: haha, none. i have this blog, though (no kiddin'!)
- Quilt Cover: ... o_O?
- Carpet: o_O
- Walls: o_O

V i t a l * S t a t s //

- [name and what does your name mean] katri -- always pure.
- [alias] eh...kapa, kat, yoz, bt.
- [location] lahti, finland.
- [sign] taurus.
- [hair color] purple-ish. naturally blond.
- [eye color] gray-ish blue.
- [marital status] single.
- [education] currently in upper secondary school.
- [height] 5'9"
- [shoe size] 8 1/2 to 9 us, 7 1/2 uk, 41 european.
- [nationality] finnish
- [skin color] white. very pale.
- [school] lahden yhteiskoulu.
- [hometown] lahti. wanting to get out of here, though.

F a v o r i t e s //

- [music] anime and videogame stuff, rock, some techno...
- [artist] wasn't this asked already?
- [movies] *points to personal info*
- [book] lord of the rings or the farseer
- [author] robin hobb, j.r.r. tolkien.
- [color] already answered this, didn't i?
- [smell] moss, nature after rain, cat.
- [taste] good food.

H a v e * Y o u * E v e r //

- lied - who hasn't?
- ran away - from home? nope.
- had sex - nope.
- done drugs - nope.
- drank alcohol - yes.
- broke a bone - nope.
- failed a class - i have failed courses.
- been in a fist fight - almost, many times.
- dyed your hair - many many times.
- gotten in a car accident - nope.
- been out of the country - yes.
- met a famous person - not that i can think of.
- driven illegally - i parked a car once when i was like five. does that count?
- thrown a temper tantrum - all the time.
- been suspended - nope.
- been expelled - nope.
- given the finger - the one-fingered salute? yeah, several times.
- rebelled against authority - i sure have.
- been in jail - hurr, got close to being arrested once.
- kissed on the first date - never had this "first date" thing.
- overcharged your credit card - don't have one.

phew. now i shall head home.


feeling: hungry
listening to: nothing

see me be productive and write an essay. not. ¬_¬

geez, how is it possible for a person to be this bored in school? my sis better have something nice for me when i come home. *elbows sis ^_~*

You're ice! You can be very cold and distant and you are NOT a people person. You're pretty mean but you can be nice...to a select few.
What element are you?


feeling: nauseous
listening to: nothing

hurr. i want to go home and get some serious sleep. i feel so deprived. X_X

because i'm bored and need some amusement: random quizzes. this way they won't mess up my tables.

blah. gotta go to class. phooey.

24th january 2003

feeling: blah
listening to: my stomach make noises

enh. i want to go home. i don't want to stay here for some stupid swedish lesson or go to the dark room for three hours alone and without my cd player. i do like the idea of going to buy tulle (eh? is that really a word? o_O) for my petticoat, though i do not like the idea of having to be the one to pay for it.
oh yeah, and the gown is GORGEOUS! it needed some taking in, as i was smaller around the waist than the seamstress thought (oops *^_^*) and other minor adjustments need to be made, but it already looked amazing. i especially fell in love with the hem, it was so large and flowing. d00d, i can't wait to get to wear it for real! ^_^

hmm...i think i should re-record some of those cd's of mine, since we discovered that with the program we now have, we can burn a whole lot more songs on one cd as we originally could. so now i won't have to worry about leaving some songs out because they wouldn't fit on the cd.

friday five:

1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?:
my hips. too wide, imo.

2. What are two things you love about your body?:
my height and my weight. i'm tall and slim.

3. What are three things you want to change about your home?:
size, the room count and the garden. all need to be bigger.

4. What are four books you want to read this year?:
robin hobb: the ship of destiny, robin hobb: fool's errand, tolkien: silmarillion, prattchet: the reaper man

5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?:
ever? umm...not be someone i don't want to be, not compromise my views for the common opinion... i dunno, i can't think of any.

help meeee... >_<


feeling: sleepy
listening to: silent hill 2 - stairs of fire, which is stuck in my head

just came from my psychology exam. it wasn't so bad, and had i studied for it like i intended, it would've been a piece of cake. now while i knew stuff about the things i was writing about, i couldn't go into detail because i had only my memory from the lessons to go on, and that wasn't very much. anyway, i'll pass the exam either way, and that's what matters the most.

haha, almost stumbled over my feet and fell down the stairs while coming to the computer lab. that would've been amusing. XD
yes, i am tired. still three hours of school and then three hours in the dark room - alone. ouch.

23rd january 2003

feeling: barfy
listening to: my stomach growl

damn you, minna, for mentioning the tex mex days at pizza rax! now i have the urge to go there and eat their delicious pizzas until i explode. i was thinking that maybe we could go on the weekend, but then i remembered that
A) i'm supposed to study for my exams, and
B) i can't afford it
phooey. i hope i can bug mom into going if i study really hard today (yeah, as if). i will try either way. tex mex=heaven.

whee. got the dress fitting today after school. ^_^

hey inanna, if you guys are really serious about the "au pair" thing, i'd love to come and help you guys out with the cat. of course i couldn't come until in the summer, but you knew that already, right? and i'd rather come together with chiko-chiko, but that can be discussed. naturally we would only take the pay of one person, it's just that we do everything together.
but all this can be discussed via e-mail, if you're really serious about it. just letting you know i'm interested. :)

eesh. dancing lessons again today. i so don't feel like it. hopefully it'll be an easy lesson, for once.

22nd january 2003

feeling: bored
listening to: freshmen making noises. again

found myself being not so tired, but bored today. my attention span is really short today. i need a long holiday, so for once i'll be able to do things i want to do, and not the things i have to do. those mostly including reading (other than school books; not that i'm reading those, either), writing (other than essays for school) and gaming. and of course, sleeping.

my exams begin the day after tomorrow and i just realized that i haven't studied at all for them. figured that maybe i should start today. not that i feel like it, but i guess it can't be helped. thankfully there's always the weekend...

i thought i might go buy some cd-rw's today after school. that is, if i can be bothered to walk as far as the shops that sell them (i'm not buying cd's from suomalainen!). i don't know if just the two cd's i bought previously are twitchy or if the prob's with my cd-player or the burner program, but i intend to find out. it better be just the two cd's. otherwise someone's going to be sorry, most likely philips for selling me a broken player. .V.

four more hours. eesh. this is positively going to kill me...

21st january 2003

feeling: tired and uneasy
listening to: kingdom hearts game sounds

why can't these bloody cd's just record themselves properly?! >_<


feeling: sleepy
listening to: nothing

i need a sandwich. or a chicken salad. even a baked roll would do wonders. X_X

i got an E-M on my finnish essay. needless to say, i'm extremely disappointed, especially i got the exact same for the essay before that. gah, i never thought i was that sucky at writing. yes, i know i'm a perfectionist. so sue me.

i almost hope chiko-chiko is too sick to come to dance today. that way i wouldn't have to go either. and since we pretty much already know everything we're supposed to do and it what order, it wouldn't be such a disaster if we didn't go. i'm just not feeling up to dancing today. for some reason, ever since xmas holiday i've been feeling extremely tired and light-headed all the time. i can barely get up in the mornings and by the time i get home in the afternoon i'm ready to fall over from exhaustion. i don't know what's causing this, but i hope it passes soon. i hate being late for school every morning and having to take a nap after coming home. ¬_¬

the fitting for my gown is on thursday. major wootness. i'm really excited to see what the dress looks like when it's more than just a pile of fabrics. i can't wait to be able to actually wear it! ^_^

hungryyy~~... i need some yaoi.

20th january 2003

feeling: woozy from being so tired
listening to: space brothers - shine, which is stuck in my head

i feel like i could fall asleep if i just closed my eyes for five seconds. i'm so tired that i am really having a hard time not fainting. i blame all of this on the yevon-forsaken essay that i didn't finish until 1am. hopefully it'll be worth it. the teacher better not give me anything lower than an E on it, or i'm going to go psycho on someone. it really is amazing how difficult writing an essay can be when you're tired, stressed out and frustrated.

thankfully i only have two more hours of school left. i will more than likely simply doze through them because i simply can't be bothered to do anything productive at the moment. after school i have to go pay a couple of bills, and then i thought i'd visit the library, but whether i'll have the energy for that will remain to be see. i thought i had something else on mind as well, but can't remember what it was for the life of mine...

i'm feeling the urge to play ff10 like you wouldn't believe! if i could, i'd sit down in a corner right now and just play to my heart's content. but alas, i don't think they have videogame consoles in schools yet. too bad. XP

oh yeah, and the house sucked.

19th january 2003

feeling: 9_9
listeing to: spirited away - shiroi ryu

now i've found a song that describes my relationship with my parents (technically with my mom). it is a sad song, but that really is how much i love my mom. ^_^

i should be writing a material-based essay for my finnish course. for some reason i am having enormous trouble with it, heck with everything related to coherent writing. my last essay fell flat on its face, i couldn't get any of my usual spark into it. and from the looks of it, it seems that this essay is going to fail even worse. i've barely managed to get some thoughts on the paper, but there is no rationality to them and the structure of the essay is miles from what it's supposed to be. this is especially amusing since my topic is voluntary human extinction, which i full-heartedly support. i just find it hard to write about the material when you agree with it 85% of the time. it would be easier to just bash the material, but i can't do that here. i think that if it was just about writing an essay on voluntary human extinction, it would be a piece of cake for me. but when i have to include the material in the essay, it becomes much more difficult. material-based essays have never been my strongest point. gah. annoyingly, i have to finish it today, since i have to turn it in tomorrow. it's actually already overdue - the teacher wanted them already on friday, but i simply couldn't get it done by then. my problem is that i can't concentrate on writing in school, when there are people around me. and ever since i started writing everything on the computer, i've all but lost the ability to write something by hand from scratch. this is rather alarming, since during the matriculation examination all the essays have to written by hand under the deadline of six hours. i'm really worried that i won't be able to handle it, since i write best at home while listening to music of my choice, with as much time as i need to plan the essay. anyway, i'm rambling while i should be writing.

we're going to go view a house today. it's a two-storey stone house with a garden, not very far from our current house. it's got three bedrooms, kitchen, warm garage, sauna and changing rooms and two bathrooms, among other things. two of the bedrooms are located in the second floor, which technically is the attic. the whole property, with garden and all, is 1500m2 in size, and the house is 210m2.
the house was built sometime in the 50's, so i don't have exactly soaring expectations of its condition, but we are only going to view it at this point. and while the idea of our own house is very very tempting, we will have to decide whether the house is really worth it if the interior is absolutely horrid. and even though something can be done about it, we will have to evaluate to what extent we can afford to renew it. for example things like the kitchen, the floors and the bathrooms are rather big issues here, since other things would have to be bought as well. but we will see it today. but i gotta say, i do hope we could buy the house. i've always wanted to live in a two-storey house, with my room in the attic, and this house would be ideal for it since it's pretty close to where we live now and it has a ready garden with trees and such.

glad to hear you like the layouts. i'm especially happy about mine. anubis is such a sexay thing. ^o^
and about the present, don't worry about it. it wouldn't have mattered if you hadn't gotten me anything at all, especially as i couldn't get you anything. though i have to admit, i am really curious as to see what it is that you got me. ;P

lol, oogie boogie is priceless. XD

friday five:

1. Where do you currently work?
i'm currently still at school, but i'm looking into the possibility of getting a summerjob.

2. How many other jobs have you had and where?
two, teachnically one. i worked as an assistant on men's clothing section at a local department store. i also worked as a domestic helper at my gran's but that wasn't really a job.

3. What do you like best about your job?
well, if school counts, i like learning new things. as long as the experience is made interesting, that is.

4. What do you like least about your job?
well, i am hopeless at getting up early in the morning... and the fact that it eats up so much of my other life.

5. What is your dream job?
either an ethologist or a videogame programmer.

eesh. time to get to writing.

18th january 2003

feeling: stuffed up
listening to: kingdom hearts game sounds

i have suddenly come down with a nasty flu. my nose is completely blocked and i can almost feel my temperature rising. this is brilliant. a week before my exams - the time when i least of all can afford to get sick. see mom, didn't i tell you that you're going to get me infected by running back and forth like that! T_T

we're going to set up some things on my aunt's computer again today. it'll be interesting to see how helpful i can be at my current state. i hope i won't infect anyone there.

*glomps anubis-sama* ^_^

17th january 2003

feeling: *rolls eyes*
listening to: the teacher talking

whoever it is that keeps sending me notes via someonelikesyou dot com, you can stop it now. i do not find it amusing and i am NOT going to take part in it. if you really "have a crush" on me, say it to my face. if it's just a joke, well, let's just say i'm not laughing.

so there.


feeling: so very sleepy
listening to: nothing

gah. i'm so sleepy i could fall over right where i stand (well, sit technically). i woke up feeling like i haven't slept at all and the bags under my eyes are almost blurring my eyesight with their huge size, or at least that's how it feels. i must be a sight...
the reason why i slept so bad last night was probably the two nightmares i kept having. the first was very silent hill-ish, though the reason for that escapes me because neither of us has played the game for weeks. anyway, i was in some really foggy, dark and dirty town (think of silent hill after the shifting of reality in the hospital) with chiko-chiko, though i recall that in the dream it wasn't really her. so we walk around the town, trying to get somewhere (i think we were heading for the historical society) and suddenly the monsters start appearing out of nowhere. but the thing is that they are not nurses, legs and straitjackets. no, they are ringwraiths, and extremely vicious at that. and there wasn't nine of them, there was an army of them. they just crawled out of nowhere at random times and chased us in small groups. only they didn't walk or ride horses, they flew - like phantom in kingdom hearts, you know? and no matter how weird it sounds, i wasn't squealing with delight at the sight of them - i was scared shitless. it probably doesn't sound very scary, but trust me, it was. i can still remember the feeling of fear that turned my legs into jelly and my brains into useless goo.
the other wasn't that much scary as it was sad. i was sitting in a car with my dad, who was giving me a lift somewhere, as he often does. it was winter and freezing cold, and i could see my breath lingering in the air even in the car. so i started talking about my prom to dad and asked him if he could come and watch me dance (this is very important to me in real life, as well). he looks grumpy and asks when they are. i give him the date and the time, and he says that he can't come because he has to work from 10pm on (the prom started at 9pm in the dream). so i plead him to still come and stay as long as he can, as it is so very important to me that he's there. he thinks about it for a while and then, extremely annoyed, agrees to come. satisfied with that, i drop the topic and sit the rest of the ride in silence, listening to my dad go on and on about how damn stupid the whole thing is and how he has to spend his precious time watching something that idiotic. needless to say, it made me very sad but i didn't say anything because i wanted him to come so badly.
it hardly needs to be said, but i didn't feel all that good when i woke up.

only one more lesson to go. too bad it's swedish, though. thankfully we're going to surf the 'net for the whole lesson, so that means i won't really have to concentrate on what i'm doing. the only downside to that is that, as it is a swedish lesson, we are going to browsing only swedish sites. poo.
it'll be interesting to see if i can stumble upon some swedish yaoi sites, though. ^_~

16th january 2003

feeling: hungry and sleepy
listening to: nothing

i've decided i will learn all that i can about the japanese tea ceremony and gardening. i felt nasty when we again talked about those things on my RE lesson and the teacher asked me to add something to what she was telling about them (she must think i'm a regular expert when it comes to japanese things - which i wish i were), and i couldn't add anything because i don't really know that much about them. but i shall change all that. and as soon as possible i will learn ikebana and kendo, and preferably archery and calligraphy as well.

kweh. today is the national biology competition, as a sort of an entrance exam to the "biology olympics", which is a world wide event for students interested in biology. i signed up for it, but i don't really feel like going there. i haven't studied for it at all and doing a two-hour-long multiple choice exam doesn't sound that attractive at the moment, but then again, neither do dancing lessons for that matter. ahh well. at least i'll get to sit down instead of prancing about. ¬_¬

swanky gollum layout, sissy. :china:

15th january 2003

feeling: alright-ish
listening to: freshmen making the most annoying sounds

i want to go home. it's not really that bad to be in school, but i'm feeling so very sleepy that i'm wondering how i'll be able to stay awake the rest of the day. thinking that i'll have yet another lesson of biology next is making me want to fall over. and the idea of having to work on another essay on my finnish lesson is not helping much, either. i really don't feel like doing any constructive thinking at the moment, let alone putting them down on paper as coherent thoughts. mou.

oddly enough, the one time when i don't bring anything to eat on my lunch break, i'm not even hungry. though the idea of eating another one of those texas' sweet breads i had yesterday is absolutely mouth-watering. :P~

my RE teacher thinks me and my sissy are pretty much the coolest two people there are. while talking about all the things related to japanese religions, such as calligraphy, painting, bushido and the likes, she asked if i by any chance had done the kanjis for "shinto" (or actually kamido) that i had on my presentation. i told her wished i could say that i had, but that they were scanned from a kanji dictionary. so she asked if i understood japanese kanji, and again i had to reply that i wished i did, but that it's actually my little sister who does. at this point the teacher looked dazzled and asked if we've ever been to japan. i told her that unfortunately we haven't, but that we plan on going there some day. satisfied with that, she continued the lesson (all this took place int he middle of it, in front of all the other students), but afterwards she wanted to talk to me about it more. she said she was fascinated and asked where my sister had learned japanese. i told her that she is self-taught. you should've seen the teacher's face. she was absolutely amazed - in a really good way! and as i told her that i'm going to learn japanese as well, she looked very happy. so that left me with a smile for the rest of the day. ^_^
so learning japanese kanji is exactly what i'm gonna do. with the dictionary practically living at our house, i think it'd be a huge waste if i didn't. and after all, i have such a fine teacher close at hand. *elbows sis* ^_^

14th january 2003

feeling: like writing and hungry
listening to: nightwish - forever yours, which is stuck in my head

eesh, still four more hours to go. i'm not sure how i'll manage that long, seeing as i don't feel like dancing at all. but what can you do. we have to be there, since we're practicing the dances in their accurate order. it would be embarrassing to go to the prom and not know when comes which dance. >_o
i've got biology next. while it's not exactly a killer, it's still rather boring (it's human biology - what do you expect from me?). but i'll manage it. it's biology, after all. after that comes RE. i'm not resenting it as much as i initially thought i would. the lessons are actually pretty nice, seeing as we don't really have to do anything, just listen the teacher talk. we make notes next to never, which in its own way is good. and seeing as we're currently talking about china and japan, i'm almost looking forward to the lesson. almost.

i'm absolutely starving, and yet i don't feel like eating at all. i can't even bring myself to eat the apple i brought with me. it'll be interesting to see if i can keep myself from fainting during the dancing lessons...

just got a message from mom saying that the fittings for my gown will start sometime next week. needless to say, i'm pretty excited about that. i'm really looking forward to seeing how it turned out, as the plans for it, as well as the fabrics, suggest that it will be gorgeous. i can't wait to try it on and see how it fits. ^_^
heh, i'm getting pretty excited about this whole thing. only about a month to go, and then we'll be "elders". yay. :)
"you stand on the brink of the abyss." XD

13th january 2003

feeling: shocked
listening to: still nothing

well, dunno if i really do have 30€ to spare, but i ordered the shirt anyway. so hah. i should start getting special prizes or something for being such a regular customer at kukunor. XD

hmmm... while i do think that ffx-2 looks and sounds shweet, i seriously resent the way yuna looks. i mean just look at this! she looks more like lara croft that the daughter of high summoner braska! geez, the man would die of shock if he saw his daughter now... T_T
they better put my object d' drool in there as well! hell, if tidus can be there, so can auron! .V. dunno if that would be sacrilege, but i sure wouldn't mind him wearing something like that. ;D~~


feeling: hungry and headachy
listening to: nothing

argh...this scarf is suffocating me! >_<

:O :O :O :O
i've GOT to get me one of those! i wonder if i could spare 30€...


feeling: alright
listening to: freshmen make noises

i'm feeling strangly good today, and i can't explain why. monday mornings are usually the worst thing there is, but today i'm feeling almost happy about being in school. i guess i subconsciously need to be absent from school to the point of almost dropping out before i realize that school is simply something i have to do, and then can be content doing it. this especially happens during winter, it seems, as i had trouble with school this time last year, as well. heh, even my RE class was nice. but then again, we started talking about the religions in china and japan, so that might've had something to do with it. i'm also feeling strangly accomplished after writing my swedish essay last night, even if heads nearly rolled in the process. i didn't write my swedish essay for my last course and that has been haunting me ever since, even if the teacher never said anything about it. but this time i wrote it and it even turned out prety well. hopefully the teacher will see it that way, as well, though i don't really care what i'll get as a grade for it. swedish has never been one of my fave subjects, so i'm really having a hard time concentrating on doing things properly for the lessons. but i'll manage.

and even though i'm not feeling as tired and suicidal as i usually do on mondays, i wouldn't exactly have protested staying at home today, either. i didn't get any writing done during the weekend (excluding my RE essay on shinto) and that is gnawing at me. i could, of course, write it now at school, since i have the disk with me, but i don't feel exactly comfortable writing yaoi in school, with people 3 feet from me on both sides and perfect view to my screen. ¬_¬ i also got to play way too little ff10, since we had to leave to watch two towers already at 4pm on saturday. thus i only got about 5 hours in. and that's entirely too little for the whole weekend.
speaking of which, two towers kicks mucho arse. and even though i nearly bit off the heads of the stupid teeny-wannabe girls that sat in front of us, seeing the nazgūl and the ents was all worth it. and even though i abhord to say this, i think i'm getting soft inside. several parts in the movie made me cry (even more so that on the first time), most of them related to the battle of helms deep. and seeing as i'm usually not the one to cry over dying humans and hopeless situations, this is somewhat alarming. and stupid sam for talking about memorable stories while they showed the ents trash isengard in the very end - i cried like a baby during that scene. and of course one mustn't forget about the nazgūl. their prettiness almost made me cry, as well. and i found myself breathless when they showed witchking (i'm presuming it's him) fly on his winged beast over the dead marshes. but then again, everyone could figure that one out already. ¬_¬

i have to go meet mom after i get out of school at 2pm. she's having trouble printing out my RE presentation, since it requires for her to unzip a new font on her comp and she can't seem to manage it. i hear winzip is not behaving itself. that's a BAD winzip. BAAAAAAAD. XD

still two hours to go. first swedish. grammar, eesh. then finnish. writing an essay, eesh.
i need some yaoi.

10th january 2003

feeling: lightheaded
listening to: metal gear solid - mantis hymn

some days i'm just glad i don't have a credit card. otherwise it'd be maxed out in a matter of hours, perhaps even minutes. XD

example 1. (:O :O :O)

example 2. (XD XD)


feeling: woozy
listening to: kingdom hearts - one winged angel

this song sounds delightfully 8-bit-ish. poor sephy. XD
but man, does he ever look good in KH! :O~ everything about him simply screams coolness. i especially like the little detail of him having only one wing, even if it is black unlike it's supposed to be. he's fighting style is jaw-dropping, as well. gotta love that 'inferno' style-of move he pulls every now and again. yum-MY. ^_^
i can't believe i'm publicly saing this, but that's one delicious opportunity for a threesome right there. :D~

i have to fight to keep my body from switching itself to "weekend mode". it's constantly trying to relax and stop thinking about anything even remotely related to school and i have to keep reminding it that i still have to go to school tomorrow, and no matter how much i'd like to skip it, i simply can't. i still think the whole idea of going to school tomorrow is ridiculous. as if one day is going to make up for anything. ¬_¬

it's was -26°C again today. yesterday it was -5°C. how retarded is that? all i can say is that while it is amazingly pretty outside with the sunlights glittering in the freezing-cold air, i liked yesterday better. you see, it was pretty then, as well, but the coldness was tolerable, even enjoyable. i can't say when was the last time i felt so refreshed and happy walking outside as i did walking home from the post office yesterday. that being said, i'm very happy i went there yesterday because it would simply be too damn cold to go there today. now i won't venture out of the house unless it's absolutely necessary.

btw, my auron wallscroll ownz, y0. ^_^ now all i need to do is find a suitable place for it. preferably somewhere near my bed, so i can grope it before going to sleep. XP

seed catalogues are dangerous. especially if you're anything like me. or mom. but mostly me. there are way too many flowers and way too little space where to put them. so far i've found three of four vines i'd like to have, but there's only one wall for them to glimb (outside my window, yay). not to even mention all the other flowers i'm dying to get. i actually talked mom into buying me scarlet sunflowers. they'll make a nice addition to the white and black tulips and the red and white lilies. ^_^
yes, i'm a flower-whore and i really am talking about this in mid-january when it's almost -30°C outside. XD

8th january 2003

feeling: nauseous
listening to: some guys talking

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Ranger Druid

Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.

Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail)

fanatical about defending natural settings? who, me? NEVER! XD not that i know anything about d&d, but these results are so accurate it's amusing. heh, maybe i should get to know this stuff sometime...

eesh. you know the feeling when you're really really tired but just can't go to sleep and it's making you feel barfy? yeah, that's how i feel at the moment. and the fact that i'm hungry as heck is not helping at all. the banana and the apple that i just ate are just making me feel worse. i need something more substancial, but still refuse to eat at school. i wish i could just go home, but unfortunately that's not an option for me anymore. perhaps i should've thought of that sooner, and not skip so much school earlier. oh well.

7th january 2003

feeling: braindead
listening to: nothing

if anyone ever comes up to you and claims they can think of something more painful than a listening comprehension in swedish, don't believe them. they are lying. nothing in this world can beat the painfulness of a listening comprehension, especially if it's in swedish. those things are killers, boys and girls. killers, i tells ya, and you'd do well to stay away from them. i, unfortunately don't have that option, so i'm forced to suffer.

eesh. still four hours of school left. thankfully the last two are dancing lessons, so i get to spend them with chiko-chiko. otherwise i don't think i could've handled them. i'd say it's a crime against humanity to make us start working according to our timetables immediately on the first day of school, seeing as it means being in school from 8am to 4pm for most of us. and even a bigger crime is making us come to school in this yevon-forbidden weather. some people said it was well below -30°C when they came to school, and i can totally take their word for it. i almost froze my nose off in the buss! and of course, the biggest crime of all is making us come to school on saturday. i can't believe our headmaster would be cheap enough to make us come in on saturday just because our xmas holiday was a few days longer than average. as if one day is going to kill anyone... ¬_¬

6th january 2003

feeling: sleepy
listening to: kingdom hearts game sounds. still.

because i'm bored and i don't want go to school tomorrow:

[ x ] spell your first name backwards - irtak
[ x ] the story behind your user name - yozora. not much of a story behind this. supposedly means "nightsky" in japanese.
[ x ] are you a lesbian - nope.
[ x ] where do you live - finland.
[ x ] 4 words that sum you up - impish, temperamental, misanthropic, odd.

[ x ] wallet - black, supposedly leather. full of random things, but unfortunately almost never contains hard cash.
[ x ] hairbrush - small, black-and-purple.
[ x ] toothbrush - transparent, with a bluish tint.
[ x ] jewelry worn daily - none.
[ x ] pillow cover - whatever's clean.
[ x ] blanket - the one used for sleeping: again, whatever's clean. the one i use as a bed cover: soft and grey, with black and white sheep on it. got it when i was like 1 or 2.
[ x ] tea/coffee cup - a black face-offs mug with a red grinning face and it reads "simply irresistible". or this if i actually used it. now it's more of an object d' drool. ;)
[ x ] sunglasses - i own one completely black pair, but i don't really use them.
[ x ] underwear - o_O
[ x ] shoes - boots in the winter and sneakers or zori in the summer.
[ x ] handbag - small and dark grey. carried close to the body. very handy.
[ x ] favorite top - the white one with jehuty on it.
[ x ] cologne/perfume - yves rocher's nature.
[ x ] cd in stereo right now - umm... celine dion's falling into you. for writing purposes. ^_~
[ x ] tattoos - kain's symbol (from the legacy of kain-series) on my lower back.
[ x ] piercings - none.
[ x ] what you are wearing now - white 'yaoi' t-shirt, black sweater, brown corduroys, red self-made socks.
[ x ] hair - short and dyed dark reddish-purple. naturally blonde.
[ x ] makeup - at the moment, none. usually i wear mascara and face powder, sometimes black eye-liner.

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] in my mouth - hopefully everything that's supposed to be there.
[ x ] in my head - the fact that it's monday. XD and that i'll have to go to school tomorrow.
[ x ] wishing - that i could write as well as amberlee and that i didn't have to go to school tomorrow.
[ x ] after this - probably getting something to eat and then going to bed. phooey.
[ x ] talking to - no one.
[ x ] eating - nothing.
[ x ] fetishes - hurr. yaoi, videogames, anime, reading, writing... if you're talking about "the other" fetishes, nevermind.
[ x ] if you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason - dubya. do i really need to state the reason? ¬_¬
[ x ] person you wish you could see right now - i don't think there's anyone i'd specifically need/like to see at the moment.
[ x ] is next to you - the comp, paper, pens, random stuff that has taken over the computer table, the window, a little further away my little sister.
[ x ] some of your favorite movies - braveheart, moulin rouge, trainspotting, lord of the rings, shallow grave, velvet goldmine, dragonheart, nightmare before christmas, shrek, zone of the enders: 2167 idolo, escaflowne: a girl on gaia, my neighbour totoro, spirited away, anything muppet-related. there's more, but that's "some".
[ x ] something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - meaning january? nothing in particular.
[ x ] the last thing you ate - french fries and fish sticks.
[ x ] something that you are deathly afraid of - not being able to breathe.
[ x ] do you like candles - adore them.
[ x ] do you like hot wax - for what? just because? i dunno...
[ x ] do you like incense - in principal, yes. but i have a very poor sense of smell, so they'd be wasted on me.
[ x ] do you like the taste of blood - not exactly 'like', but i don't resent it either.
[ x ] do you believe in love - not really.
[ x ] do you believe in soul mates - yes. i've found one in my little sister. ^_^
[ x ] do you believe in love at first sight - no.
[ x ] do you believe in Heaven - no.
[ x ] do you believe in forgiveness - meaning divine forgiveness? no.
[ x ] do you believe in God - definitely not.
[ x ] what do you want done with your body when you die - a cremation. ashes sprinkled somewhere very important to me (most likely my gran's place) and an oak tree planted over the spot.
[ x ] who is your worst enemy - whoever hurts my little sister.
[ x ] if you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - a wolf.
[ x ] what is the latest you've ever stayed up - the latest is all night. the longest is somewhere around 50 hours non-stop.
[ x ] ever been to Belgium - no.
[ x ] can you eat with chopsticks - to a degree. but to be actually able to eat with them without appearing like a slob i'd need to get some practice.
[ x ] what are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - helsinki, tokyo, venice, reykjavik, somewhere in north america where it snows.
[ x ] what are some of your favorite pig out foods - apples, carrots, grapes, ice cream. i know, i know. don't look at me like that.
[ x ] what's something that you wish people would understand - that girls can be good at videogames. that yaoi is not sick and disgusting. that just because a movie is animated or a cartoon doesn't meant that it's a kids' movie. that being depressed doesn't mean you're also mentally ill. the list goes on and on.
[ x ] what's something you wish you could understand better - there are many things, i'm sure, but i can't think of any right now.
[ x ] anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time - does jehuty count? ^_~
[ x ] what's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow - NO SCHOOL!

Which Kingdom Hearts Character are You Most Like?

brought to you by Quizilla

mmm...he's hot. works for me. ^_^


feeling: like crap
listening to: kingdom hearts game sounds

blaarrghhhh~~! have to go back to school tomorrow. that sucks major butt. i feel like i haven't gotten even nearly enough rest and quiet-time during these past weeks. in fact, it feels like there was no holiday at all and i feel just as tired and stressed out as i did before xmas. i still think that school should be canceled from early december 'til early february. that's the darkest winter here in finland and also the time i have most trouble with school and life in general. i, it seems, am very sensitive to high melatonin levels.

and on another rant-ish note, i'm getting pretty sick of this freezing cold weather. there's nothing wrong with subzero temperatures but when it's -30°C every day and 24/7, it starts to get annoying. you simply can't do anything outside in that kind of weather and after only 10 minutes you're ready to mug someone for something to keep you warm. beats me how i'm supposed to survive going to school tomorrow, seeing as i was stupid enough to lose my earmuffs. ¬_¬

4th january 2003

feeling: feh
listening to: kingdom hearts -game sounds

whee, now the dvd drive works! thanks a big bunch to inanna and drew for lending the software for us! ^_^
i tried getting screencaps of unit 02, but he refused to co-operate. i only kept getting caps that were either blurry or of a wrong frame. oh well, i'll try again later. right now i'm too tired and on the edge of my patience to sit here watching the same scene over and over and over again, only to always get it wrong. *elbows unit 02 in the ribs*

i was supposed to work on my ff10 fic again today, but there's been all-together too much noise and babbling for me to concentrate on writing anything coherent. so i haven't even tried. i spent most of my time editing what i've already written, but i have a feeling it still needs some work. i'll see if i can get something done tomorrow, or on monday. whichever way you look at it, i'd like to get something done before i have to go back to school because then i will have even less energy to work on it. i seriously dislike having unfinished things hanging around, since they only bother me to no end and thus eat up time and energy from other things, and though writing are a slightly different matter, it's still unpleasant to have an unfnished writing floating about and not being able to work on it.

HOLY POOP! IT'S CLOUD! O_O mmmm, lookin' good! ^_~